Trip planner is already out of date due to unexpected night in LA.

A four-hour delay in Auckland was not the best of starts to the grand odyssey.

The staff attempted to mollify disgruntled guests by feeding them snacks. I was thus led to break my pre-flying fast and gorge on corn chips... 

Due to tremendous Exorcist-like fear of airplane toilets, seconds before we boarded, I decided to use the bathrooms in the departure lounge. 

Overzealous straining lead to a nosebleed, so I boarded my 13-hour flight to LA with a toilet roll shoved up my nose.

With all the grace of a Chinese contortionist, I folded myself like origami into the economy class seat.

Gentlemen, start your engines.

Despite prior toilet visit, I was forced to face my fear of airplane washrooms. 

Pump-action bottle of mouthwash looked suspiciously like hand wash ... otherwise no major mishaps on first visit.

On second trip to the loo for a more substantial event, I hid inside for half-an-hour to make sure the coast was clear, only to open the door on to the food cart and collide with a flight attendant threatening sleeping travellers with foil-covered curry.

I rushed back to seat making oblique amends for colliding with sleeping passengers.

Several bags of salted almonds later… 

And just minutes before landing, a flight attendant informed me I would be at the rather beige Sheraton LAX ... rather than funky Milan Moxy. 

Like most Brits, I was outwardly polite and understanding, while inwardly I wanted to beat him about the head and face with my grey, foil-covered curry.

It was late.  

There was tiredness beginning to creep in.

Overnight at Sheraton LAX.

Wrong continent.

Wrong country.

Wrong city.

But who’s keeping score?

Auckland to LA.