Am surrounded by Swiss meat.

Breakfast at hotel: meat and coffee. 

Have never seen so much salami. It’s everywhere … and in everything.

Went to supermarket and returned with several tubes of meat and a jar of pickles… could be pickled herrings – hard to tell.

Have decided not to battle against inevitable.

Am going to be size of house when I leave Switzerland.

Pasta and pizza around every corner – salami and pastries and cheese, oh my.

JazzAscona officially begins today.

Lunch: meat and San Pellegrino.

Busy ferreting about with memory cards and spare batteries.

Dinner: meat and meat.

Hotel right in middle of festival, on the water. It’s uber chic and everything you expect from 5 Star. Balcony overlooking the lake is great … leaving balcony doors open during the night not so good – drunk trumpet player playing outside my window at 3am … he was rather good though. 

Crikey!

Spent 10 hours sandwiched between 2 broken chairs at the back of an ageing 747.

I have not the words.

None.

When I climbed up a ladder and was scared by a giant spider and fell backwards into a tree and broke my arm and then fell out of that tree and broke my leg, 2 ribs and my jaw I experienced less discomfort than I did on the KLM flight from LA to Amsterdam.

True story.

The flight with the same airline on to Milan was by comparison, joyous.

"The horrors of the transatlantic flight were quickly assuaged by the delight of arriving in Italy where style comes as naturally to its people as drawing breath and clutching manbags."

Moxy Malpensa is a midrange, trendy-friendly sleep-stop.

I stopped. I slept. I ate. I left. 

Pleasant. No fuss No worries.

A few hours later by minibus, arrived in Ascona, Switzerland for the Jazz Festival.

It’s a little piece of heaven.

LA, Amsterdam, Milano

Ascona ... pretty ... so, so pretty 

Crap. 

Just discovered all my knickers have holes in them. 

Apart from Hello Kitty. 

Haven't left house and already a monumental packing malfunction. 

Hopefully, no more panty panic, although historical evidence from previous trips suggests otherwise.

Will avoid suggested Google travel tip of drying knickers in microwave.  

Packing for 2 months of travel is about as fun as blistering haemorrhoids. 

PASSPORT. 

Visas:

- China: check

- Russia: check

- Mongolia: check

Kilometres: 61,405 (38,157 miles)

Countries: 13

Imminent travel meltdowns: lots

Knickers: O

Crap. 

Suitcase does not fit in David's Porsche.

Sat inside suitcase on way to airport. 

Napier to Auckland - 1 hour flight.